How to Deal with a Narcissist at Work: 6 Effective Strategies

Dealing with a person with narcissistic personality disorder can be tiring on the job. Narcissists often engage in constant self-promotion, tedious and shallow conversations, and can be incredibly inconsiderate. What should you do if you must work with a narcissist at your job?

There are several de-escalation strategies that you can use to deal effectively with a narcissist at work. Learn more about these effective methods below, and you can also try training options for de-escalation that can improve your results at work.

1. Take advantage of the narcissist’s ego

Expecting a colleague with narcissistic personality disorder to play according to the rules is always an error. Narcissists are often highly motivated by receiving attention, burnishing their image, and winning at all costs.

Open communication and working well with others do not motivate narcissists. In fact, a study of 120 Chinese executives found that managers with narcissistic personality disorder cause their divisions to be less receptive to information and cooperative than other divisions in the same company.

Unfortunately, a lack of communication can cost an organization dearly. A goal should be to get better cooperation from your work-based narcissist. How? You should appeal to the things that motivate many narcissists. For example, ask yourself: How would working better with you enhance the narcissist’s image from their perspective? Also, how would cooperating with you secure more attention and respect for the narcissist? Last, how would better cooperation make them feel as if they won? You can gain buy-in from your office narcissist by understanding their goals, which are usually making themselves look good, regardless of the cost.

2. Understand how and when to establish firm boundaries

Narcissists expect to wear others down and get what they want through manipulation and similar strategies. You could be fighting the tide if you say something. However, letting a narcissist cross one of your boundaries begs for additional violations in the future.

If your egotistical colleague is demeaning, insulting, or contentious, you probably feel like your boundaries are being crossed. You should find something to acknowledge them and tell them their behavior is disrespectful. Thus, their disrespect could affect your willingness to make them look good and get what they want.

However, you need to consider the narcissist’s role. If the narcissist is a manager above you, you have to consider whether it is worth fighting. When you confront a narcissist, they can get vindictive, which is a problem if they are a supervisor. That said, letting a narcissist walk all over you on the job is unacceptable, too.

3. Think about values

Many narcissists are obsessed with self-aggrandizement. They always look at things from what is in it for them. The narcissist’s behavior tends to reflect these values. For example, a recent study on narcissists found they tend to be more willing to steal, cheat, and lie than non-narcissists.

In one study, the person was asked if they were selling an SUV with a bad water pump, and whether they would disclose it to a potential buyer. Not telling the person would mean it wouldn’t be discovered for months. Non-disclosure also would mean a higher price for the vehicle. This study determined that the more narcissistic the person, the more likely they would lie to sell the car.

Another study asked people to imagine they were being considered for a promotion. They were told of another worker’s excellent idea and had the chance to submit the idea and pretend it was theirs. Study participants were asked how much of $10,000 bonus they would share. More selfish people would share less, if anything.

If a manager or executive is willing to lie and cheat to further their interests, it can be a strong demotivator for others in the organization. This behavior also may encourage others to do the same thing. Keep in mind that these negative tactics are used to dominate others, and there is rarely room for positive values, such as learning, empathy, reciprocity, and altruism. By suggesting that the narcissist’s actions don’t have such positive values, you have the moral high ground.

Of course, a narcissistic leader may dismiss altruism, compassion, or empathy, but many narcissist studies found that narcissistic executives and leaders inflict damage on their companies by taking large risks, exploiting colleagues, and taking too much credit for success. You should point out that these negative values, or lack of positive values, can take a toll on the organization, which reflects negatively on the narcissist.

4. Consider other roles for you or the narcissist

Sometimes, a narcissist’s particular work role makes them more difficult to deal with. For example, if the narcissist is on a project team, it can be highly problematic if they won’t work well with other team members. They may be overly critical, take credit for others’ work, and create other team problems.

A possible solution is to move the worker into a job where team dynamics are less important. They could be moved to solitary roles, such as programming, writing, or administrative work. Narcissistic individuals should also not be in project manager roles when possible.

5. Keep realistic expectations

We all wish that a narcissist at work would take personal responsibility and be more compassionate towards colleagues. But keeping unrealistic expectations can make you feel even more resentful. It’s better to try to accept the employees as they are. That doesn’t mean that you take or like their selfish behavior. Rather, accepting the person as they are means you are simply dealing with reality.

6. Document inappropriate behavior

Many narcissists at work get away with unacceptable behavior because they may have strong performance. But they often step on and crush others to get further on the job. So, if you notice selfish behavior, you should write it down. Even if you do not intend to take action today, having documented evidence of inappropriate behavior could be useful if a serious issue comes up.

No one likes dealing with selfish behavior on the job, but sometimes, it’s necessary. Fortunately, the strategies mentioned here can be useful for dealing more effectively and realistically with your office narcissist.

Career Reload Team

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